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QUOTES

  •  You like that, bitch? I’ve seen Princess Bride like 70 times.

  • Wynonna: I'm just the girl with the big-ass -- ass.
    Nicole: Girl.
    Wynonna: You're right, them boots is tight.
    Nicole: Top-shelf.

  • Waverly: I really, really love you.
    Nicole: And I really, really hate this ring.

  • Waverly: I thought I had lost you.
    Nicole: No! I’m just having some baby carrots!

  • Nedley: We cut through them like RuPaul cuts through performances without heart.
    Robin: Yeah, I haven’t seen that show.
    Nedley: Get your life in order, son.

  • Waverly: And, you know, your hair looks great.
    Wynonna: Yeah, but is it end-of-the-world great?

  • Oh, hosejob, this is gonna kill Mama.

  • Wynonna: I’m glad you’re here if it’s going down.
    Waverly: I’m yelling timber.

  • I’ll take that as a “yas queen!”

  • Wynonna: Let’s blow this Bulshar stand.
    Mercedes: Ew, don’t say “blow” and “Bulshar” in the same sentence.

  • Welcome to the Purgatory Yacht Club, bitch.

  • Nicole: Besides, I would be terrible at keeping Waverly anywhere. She can convince me to do anything.
    Wynonna: Get a blazing phoenix tattoo all up your butt?

  • The ring controls the arm! It's like playing Wii! I'm really good at Wii!

  • Maeve: You are Wyatt Earp’s boyfriend!
    Doc: Yeah, fine.

  • Wynonna: I don't take notes from someone wearing an oven mitt.
    Waverly: It's a precaution!
    Wynonna: It’s fugly.

  • Kevin: You drink too much.
    Wynonna: Mmhm.
    Kevin: You couldn’t find your ass with a map.
    Wynonna: Where is it?
    Kevin: And you are literally our only hope.

  • Waverly: We know Bulshar has some kind of power over the woods.
    Jeremy: Yeah, that guy would kill on Tinder.
    Waverly: Like if The Giving Tree had sex with a Stephen King story.

  • My face still looks like a goddamn charcuterie board!

  • Wynonna: So you can't take Peacemaker. That's good to know. Tell you what: when I break this game, I'll shove her up your ass and blow your guts out through your brains. Willingly.

  • Jeweler: How did you say you came upon this ring?
    Nicole: Uh, it's been in my family for generations. Yeah. It came right over on the boat, smuggled right up Granny Haught's petticoats.

  • Wynonna: Bulshar wants The Tower.
    Waverly: Well, that's obviously a wang metaphor.
    Wynonna: Kate says that represents darkness and destruction.
    Waverly: Yeah, like I said, Bulshar's wang.

  • Wynonna: It'd be awesome if Bulshar's cards just said: "Hey, Bulshar, you're a big old bag of deflated dicks."

  • Nicole: I think this would be a good time to tell you that I am a lesbian.
    Wynonna: Oh, like you never went through an experimental phase!
    Nicole: Not with gnomes!
    wynonna: well, that’s very narrow-minded, nicole! love is love!

  • Rolf the revenant: As much as I love a feel-good ending, this ain't it. Any last words?
    Wynonna: I miss Macaulay Culkin.
    Nicole: Tell Waverly I love her!
    Wynonna: Sure, make me look like an asshole.

  • Nicole: You have no police training, you’re terrible with authority, you’re not even qualified to run a Chipotle!
    Wynonna: Guaca-cuse me?

  • Nicole: Push with your legs!
    Wynonna: Shut up with your mouth!

  • Doc: Then why didn’t you tell me?
    Kate: I did! Many times! Doc, I’m a vampire! Doc, I drink blood! Doc, let me bite you!
    Doc: Yeah! I thought that was roleplay!

  • Wait, wait, Robin’s family too! He mentioned it, that his dad would never leave town because they’ve been here forever. That means I wasn’t ghosted, my date was just kidnapped by Bulshar, maybe! Huzzah!

  • Waverly: I’m vegan.
    Michelle: You’re already a lesbian.

  • Also, does your car have seat warmers? Because I ripped my pants while decapitating. It happens.

  • Wynonna: I figure he chose his family, and we're it. We're all of it. 
    Doc: Poor asshole.

  • You shot him right in the dick. That's so sweet.

  • Whiskey from dad, crazy from mom. The Wynonna Earp story on sale now.

  • We need a plan, and we need it fast because this sucker's coming out of my vagina. Yeah, Jeremy. My vagina.

  • Little gay Waverly is a little judgey, but I like the sass.

  • Sheriff Haught? You always smell like vanilla dipped donuts. They're my favorite.

  • Widow Mercedes: Where is the seal?
    Nedley: Did you try up your ass?

  • What are you? A witch? A Pokeman?

  • Wynonna: I had a ride. I need a nap.

  • Mercades: Your sex life is either about to get really great or really bad, either way girl put a mit on it. 

  • MELANIE- It seems like a lifetime ago that we made our first blowjob joke, and thought people will either get it or they won’t. We found our people. They call themselves Earpers. And it’s clear because we are standing here that when Earpers speak the world hears them. 

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